Persian Girls: A Memoir Page 27
But the loss of Pari has left a hole in my existence, made deeper and darker by my uncertainty about what happened, how it happened. I have tried to track down her son but haven’t succeeded yet after all these years. When I look at a photograph of Pari on my desk, with her hopeful bright smile, images rush back: how my loneliness disappeared the moment she entered our house in Ahvaz, she on the stage playing Laura, my dreams of writing a play for her, her telling me, as I read her a story, “You’re so good.” Then she is here with me, sitting next to me.
Yes, dearest Pari, it is to bring you back to life that I write this book.
READING GROUP GUIDE
By Nancy Ohlin
1. One theme in Persian Girls is that of belonging. Growing up, the author feels that she does not belong in Iran. But she feels likewise in the United States, and describes “the ambivalent feelings that had plagued me over the years in America, being neither here nor there” (page 202).Why does she feel that she does not belong in Iran? Why does she feel that she does not belong in America? In your own life, do you have similar challenges of trying to bridge two cultures, two religions, or two other conflicting worlds?
2. Pari begs her father to help her divorce her first husband, Taheri, saying: “Aren’t I entitled to some individual happiness?” Her father responds: “[Y]ou’re under the influence of those American movies. Their idea of individual happiness is selfish and it has hurt their sense of family life. That’s why so many Americans are miserable, lonely, killing themselves with drugs and alcohol. What we have is superior; each person should think of the happiness of the whole” (page 171).What do you think of the father’s statement? Does the pursuit of individual happiness—whether it’s true love, education, pleasure, freedom from a bad marriage, or something else—ultimately detract from family, community, society? Can you name examples from your own life in which you chose individual happiness over the happiness of the whole, or vice versa?
3. Another theme in Persian Girls is destiny. When the author is a girl, her adoptive mother, Maryam, says to her: “It was your destiny to be my child. As soon as a baby comes into the world an angel writes its destiny on the baby’s forehead” (page 25). Later, the author says: “I hadn’t accepted that as a child, and now, too, I believed that it was my own sheer determination that had enabled me to come to America” (page 150).Do you believe in destiny? Do you feel destiny played a role in the author’s life? Do you feel that destiny has played a role in your life?
4. Throughout Persian Girls, Iranian women and girls are said to have to hide or downplay their beauty, and are even flogged for wearing lipstick or nail polish or for not observing the hejab properly (e.g., page 254). In contrast, the author discovers a serious beauty culture in the United States, at Lindengrove College. She recounts that before mixers with boys from other schools, “the bathrooms on my floor were filled with girls checking their makeup, spraying perfume on their necks and arms, fluffing up their hair, and examining their dresses one more time” (page 149).What do you think of the two cultures’ attitudes about women and beauty? Do you feel that both Iranians and Americans “judge a book by its cover” in similar albeit contrasting ways?
5. How do the women in Persian Girls support one another? How do they fail to support one another? How do men come between the women? What do you make of the scene in which Nahid and her friend Mahvash are temporarily estranged from each other because they desire the same man, the writer Ardavani (page 114)? How do you interpret the author’s observation about her Lindengrove classmates: “If a student had plans with a female friend and then a boy called and asked her out at the same time, she would automatically accept the date and cancel plans with the girlfriend” (page 143)? Have you had similar experiences in your life?
6. The author’s parents refuse to let Pari marry Majid, the man she loves. In reaction, the author says: “I wondered if Father and Mohtaram were evil. But my grandmother, whom I loved so much, had done the same to her daughters, had forced them to marry men she and my grandfather chose. They themselves were victims of the oppressive system that dictated to people how they should feel and live their lives” (page 69).How much did culture and religion shape the choices the author’s parents made for their children? If her parents had been born in another time and place, would they have made different choices? For instance, would they have allowed the author to stay with her adoptive mother, instead of bringing her back to Ahvaz against her will? Would they have allowed their daughters to pursue their dreams and marry for love? In your own life, how much do you feel that culture and religion shape your choices? How much do you feel that culture and religion shaped your parents’ choices for you?
7. After her father’s death, the author says: “He had had so much power over me, had forcibly changed the course of my life, but ultimately much of it had been for the good” (page 242).What do you think she means by this? Does she, in hindsight, agree with the choices he made for her? Do you think that she has regrets about defying some of her father’s choices, by, for example, not returning to Iran after graduating from Lindengrove? Or is her statement simply a testament to the power of forgiveness? Did anything about the author’s relationship with her father remind you of your own relationship with your father?
8. After the author’s father forces her to return to Ahvaz, her biological mother, Mohtaram, is cold and distant to her. This goes on for many years. But then, the author overhears Mohtaram saying, “Nahid treats me like an enemy,” and wonders: “Was it possible that I had started the pattern of coldness between us? Was it me who had rebuffed her that first day, years ago, when Father brought me home?” (pages 99-100). The author also worries about betraying her adoptive mother if she opens up to Mohtaram even a little. Later, before she leaves for Lindengrove, she accuses Mohtaram: “You gave me away.” Mohtaram offers an explanation and then embraces her for the first time since she was a baby (page 136). How do the author’s relationships with Mohtaram and Maryam evolve over the course of the book? By the end of the book, has the author made peace with the fact that she has two mothers? Did anything about the author’s relationship with either Mohtaram or Maryam remind you of your relationship with your mother?
9. The author repeatedly begs her father to let her go to an American college; he repeatedly says no. Then, one day, shortly after the Ayatollah Khomeini is arrested, he announces that he has changed his mind, and has even picked out a school for her.Why do you think he changed his mind? Was he afraid that she would get into trouble in the increasingly repressive political climate—or was it something else?
10. In a note at the beginning of the book, the author says: “This is a book of my memories, as I recall them, and what I was told when I was old enough to understand. I haven’t interviewed family members and friends to get their impressions of certain incidents in our lives.”In reading Persian Girls, did you ever find yourself wanting to know the other characters’ points of view—the author’s father, Mohtaram, Maryam, Pari, her other siblings, Pari’s two husbands, Pari’s lover Majid, and so on? Do you imagine that their accounts would be very different from the author’s? In what way? In general, how can a writer achieve “fairness” or “completeness” in work of non-fiction that is told strictly from his or her point of view?
11. After Pari’s death, the author becomes obsessed with finding out the truth of why she died. Do you feel that she accomplishes this? How do you interpret the events of Pari’s life and death? In the end, the author says: “Yes, dearest Pari, it is to bring you back to life that I write this book” (page 288). Did she succeed in doing this for you as a reader?
12. After Pari reveals her love for Majid to her sister, the two promise each other that they will not succumb to arranged marriages. “We promised each other that we would marry only for love,” the author relates. “Arranged marriage was a disaster, we decided. . . . We didn’t want to be links in that long chain of tradition that went back to our ancestors. Pari and I had to break the pattern”
(page 66). Why do you think Pari eventually broke this promise and agreed to marry Taheri?
13. At Pari’s wedding, the author overhears a conversation that suggests that some Iranians get into trouble with the law because they try to act “too Western.” One man says: “It’s all the Westoxication that creates turmoil.” Another says that Iranians shouldn’t envy or try to imitate Americans: “Our view of America isn’t all realistic. If you examine the country closely you see serious problems there. All the suicide, murder, violence. There’s no soul.” A third man agrees: “[There’s no] closeness between people there, no sense of family. They are a lonely crowd.”What do you think about these statements? Do you believe that the United States has a “Westoxicating” effect on other cultures? After the author and Pari see the movie A Star Is Born, Pari longs to be more American: “Those women can choose a career, marry a person they love. . . . We aren’t given any options. Freedom is just a trophy the Shah dangles before us” (page 52). Do Pari and the author—before she comes to the United States—have a realistic view of this country?
14. When the author first comes to the United States, she gets various reactions to the fact that she is Iranian. The dean at Lindengrove insists that she wear her “native costume”—a chador—for Parents’ Day, even though she did not wear it back in Iran (page 143). The father of her classmate Linda asks the author: “[H]ow do you like our country so far? Isn’t it lucky you came here?” (page 153). Linda’s mother tells her: “You’re so much more refined than other foreigners” (page 154).What do you think of these comments? Are they racist? In your life, how do you distinguish racist comments from nonracist ones, especially if they seem friendly or benign on the surface?
15. How much did you know about recent Iranian history before reading Persian Girls? How did your views about Iranian politics and culture change after reading the book? How did your views about American politics and culture change after reading the book?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Born in Iran, Nahid Rachlin has lived in the United States since college. Her works include four novels—Jumping Over Fire, Foreigner, Married to a Stranger, and The Heart’s Desire—and a collection of short stories, Veils. As a student, she was awarded both a Doubleday-Columbia fellowship from Columbia University and a Wallace Stegner fellowship from Stanford University. Among her honors are the Bennett Cerf Award, a PEN Syndicated Fiction Project Award, and a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts. Rachlin currently teaches at the New School University and the Unterberg Poetry Center of the 92nd Street Y, and is an associate fellow at Yale University. For more about Nahid Rachlin, visit www.nahidrachlin.com.